I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
