dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
