I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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