I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
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How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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