He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
