she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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