Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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