You made me cry and you don't even care
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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