it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
