Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
