id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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