piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
