Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
