Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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