i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
