well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
