they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
