I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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