I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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