The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
