I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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