now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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