Your dad touched me again.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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