i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
