how can u be prego again
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
