So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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