i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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