I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
