I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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