YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
