That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
