I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
3 2 1 whiskey
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped