Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.