apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
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the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
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If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.