Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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