Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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