It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.