i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
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Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
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I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
