Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
