That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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