Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
