I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
