Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
