Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
