a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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