I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
