:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
