Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
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Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
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i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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