am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
