I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
