and i looked up. we had an audience...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
