yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
