hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
