sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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