Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
