after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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