So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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