I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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