New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
