we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
