dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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