I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
