The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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