Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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