I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
