If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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