apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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