So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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