NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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