Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
