This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
